Like Sands Through the Hourglass

NotTheMama: i'm watching tron... can't believe i've never seen this before
GorbaChavez: you're joking
GorbaChavez: I watched it in 8th grade - at school
GorbaChavez: in our auditorium as a school wide event
NotTheMama: i'll turn in my geek badge now
GorbaChavez: please do
...
NotTheMama: is it just me or is bruce boxleitner a bad actor?
GorbaChavez: I don't know or care who that is
NotTheMama: the guy who plays tron
NotTheMama: also played the captain on babylon 5
NotTheMama: i'll take my geek badge back, thankyouverymuch
GorbaChavez: wasn't he also from Time Bandits?
NotTheMama: possibly... haven't seen that
GorbaChavez: and I'll be keeping the badge
NotTheMama: touche
NotTheMama: you watch babylon 5?
GorbaChavez: I have not but I've been meaning to...especially since I'm a fan of JMS
NotTheMama: i just always hated boxleitner... one of the most wooden actors in the show
NotTheMama: and he was regarded as some scifi god, and i had no idea who he was... so now it finally makes sense
GorbaChavez: I see
GorbaChavez: nick fallon wins the sci-fi god award for me
NotTheMama: um
NotTheMama: nick fallon is from days of our lives
NotTheMama: did you mean nathan fillion, from firefly?
GorbaChavez: as far as you know
GorbaChavez: but it's good to know you're a days fan
NotTheMama: i believe you now owe me my badge, your badge, and the badges of your immediate family
GorbaChavez: a small price to pay to know you watch days of our lives when you "work from home"
NotTheMama: would that i did
NotTheMama: i actually looked him up on imdb, cause it smacked of a gross error on your part
GorbaChavez: you get the gold in the backpedaling event
NotTheMama: i'm not gonna win this, am i
GorbaChavez: do you ever? have you ever?
NotTheMama: we're done here
GorbaChavez: your new year's resolution should be, "to finally best GorbaChavez"
NotTheMama: i try not to take up resolutions that would rip holes in the spacetime continuum

So the combination is... one, two, three, four, five?

GorbaChavez: wtf!
"Your password must be 6 or more characters, contain at least one lowercase character, one uppercase character, one digit, and no repeated sequence of characters of any length. Your password can't be a subset of your login name."
GorbaChavez: shit is getting ridiculous. this is for a forum!

NotTheMama: "Your password must be 20 or more characters, contain at least one heiroglyph, one webding, and either one Asian character or the symbol used by The Artist Formerly Known As Prince. Furthermore, your password may not be a subset of the name of the Egyptian king Tutankhamun or the Aztec god Quetzalcoatl. Thank you for choosing a Master Combination Lock."
GorbaChavez:

Courtesy of Dilbert[dot]com

NotTheMama: i always seem funnier before going up against scott adams

And the AVN goes to...

NotTheMama: fyi
NotTheMama: yesterday at 3:23pm i became aware of an individual at my company by the name of Forrester Cox
NotTheMama: and my world view has not been the same since
GorbaChavez: so on roles calls one would call out, "Cox, Forrester"?
NotTheMama: is that not the greatest natural porn name you've ever heard?
NotTheMama: i mean, most of us have to work for it
NotTheMama: but apparently some people are just handed theirs at birth on a silver platter
NotTheMama: whenever i talk to the guy all i'll be able to think about is the Brawny paper towel guy and acres and acres of penises

GorbaChavez: my mind is now blown

Dude looks like a lady

GorbaChavez: I think we've just proven the difference between you and I in that you are complaining about what you read in the NY Times and I'm trolling slickdeals for things I'll never buy
IceBerg: I'd gladly take either over that guy with the NPR bumper sticker who's actually listening to Eddie and Jobo (who are still on!). that guy is more common than you'd think.
IceBerg: I'm reminded of the Onion headline: "man who does not own a TV will not shut up about not owning a TV"
GorbaChavez: I'm reminded of the time my uncle touched me in my "no no" spot
IceBerg: YOU WILL GET IN TROUBLE FOR TALKING ABOUT IT!
GorbaChavez: he's dead
GorbaChavez: I killed him in a moment of rage
IceBerg: you go up a notch if "Janie's Got a Gun" was playing in the background
GorbaChavez: well, I was wearing a dress at the time

Thank you, I'll be here all week!

Two Dolla Cha'balla: mirror's edge 2d is too hard for me
GorbaChavez: don't feel bad, you're not really a gamer after all
Two Dolla Cha'balla: maybe i could watch someone else play, on youtube or something
GorbaChavez: this explains why you watch so much porn
Two Dolla Cha'balla: ooh, that's good
GorbaChavez: and it's only Monday

The Corsican Brothers

Till-Man: expect it to be rainy as all get out

GorbaChavez: balls

Till-Man:  ha! i like it, I say balls all the time out here

GorbaChavez:  when someone hits you, i feel the pain

Till-Man:  but do you also feel - the pleasure.

GorbaChavez:  only when you touch yourself

Till-Man:  in that case...

Dating Discounts

Two Dolla Cha'balla: i was in Circuit City, looking at TVs, and then I was like 20% off, fuck this, i'll come back in a month when they're desperate 
GorbaChavez: just like your dating techniques
GorbaChavez: except substitute month with hour and desperate with drunk
Two Dolla Cha'balla: i like where your heads' at

Introducing USB 3.0

NotTheMama: apparently some people think that setting 'importance = high' on every single email they send out will make everyone work more quickly for them
GorbaChavez: I will institute priority ranking on instant messages...
NotTheMama: you only get 5 'importance = high' messages a month... if you go above that, an enterprise-standard USB Foot peripheral kicks you in the nuts
NotTheMama: of course we'd have to work out the details for female employees
NotTheMama: but that's what i pay you peons for
NotTheMama: so get on that

Will the real Iceberg please to be standing up

Two Dolla Cha'balla: I think Iceberg posted this on Reddit
GorbaChavez: Iceberg is much smarter than this
Two Dolla Cha'balla: but at the bottom...
GorbaChavez: it's him!
Two Dolla Cha'balla: has to be, he used standard notation and interrobang in the same sentence...

More bounce for the ounce

GorbaChavez: according to google analytics, our DJ site has a 50% bounce rate
IceBerg: please to be explaining a bounce rate.
IceBerg: this is the number of people who start "bouncin" upon hearing the music?
GorbaChavez: that works for me
IceBerg: then it's settled

A winnar is you!

Till-Man: ¿Has oído?
GorbaChavez: ¡¿oido que interrobang‽
Till-Man: i can't compete on this level
GorbaChavez: I'm glad we're done here

Power on Spam-bot!

elvin.ferrellztihxydtnesb: hey u there hzbly
IceBerg: hello, spammer
elvin.ferrellztihxydtnesb: hi Iceberg how r u ? i'm Nicole :)
IceBerg: no you're not
elvin.ferrellztihxydtnesb: i hope u dont mind i got ur info from Maria
IceBerg: oh, yes, Maria gives my information to spammers all the time, that wily bitch
elvin.ferrellztihxydtnesb: I just moved here from outta town, she said u were cool people :):)
IceBerg: when you moved, were you able to fit the last name of "Ferrellztihxydtnesb" on your mailbox?
elvin.ferrellztihxydtnesb: r u busy this week? we should meet up grab a drink... have alil fun ;)
IceBerg: I mean, how much would that cost? "Ferrellztihxydtnesb?" that shit's like $10 a letter at Home Depot!
elvin.ferrellztihxydtnesb: hi Iceberg how r u ? i'm Allison :)
The Turing Test: you're doing it wrong

Avast! Captain Puffy-Pants be after me booty!

Two Dolla Cha'balla: where be my cap?
GorbaChavez: on me desk
Two Dolla Cha'balla: arrr, i be takin it
GorbaChavez: whenever a roll of toilet paper runs out, my oldest grabs the cardboard tube and pretends it's a telescope and starts talking in pirate
Two Dolla Cha'balla: i save those, and give them to my uncle, who owns some gerbils
Two Dolla Cha'balla: who apparently enjoy them
GorbaChavez: uh
Two Dolla Cha'balla: whut?
GorbaChavez: tubes, gerbils, [dirty] uncle
GorbaChavez: do the math
Two Dolla Cha'balla: the gerbils chew on the tubes
GorbaChavez: oh....oh!
Two Dolla Cha'balla: you need plastic tubes for that crazy shit
Two Dolla Cha'balla: and hampsters
GorbaChavez: ...
Two Dolla Cha'balla: gerbils are tiny
GorbaChavez: so you are saying that gerbils are too small for you to use for that?
Two Dolla Cha'balla: i'm saying the internet is a woderful resource for learning about everything
GorbaChavez: apparently so is Uranus

Helen, take a memo

NotTheMama: i wouldn't be surprised if some of their depts still sent messages via those vacuum tubes from the 80s
GorbaChavez: those are awesome
NotTheMama: i know
GorbaChavez: until your shirt gets stuck in it
GorbaChavez: then you have to explain why your'e standing half-naked in the mail room
NotTheMama: oh... that usually requires explanation?
GorbaChavez: yes, only for the topless kind of half-naked though
NotTheMama: mental note made

Adrian!

GorbaChavez: oh fuck. tough guy just made the claim that he "used to be a programmer"
IceBerg: BAA HA HA HA HAHA LOLZ
IceBerg: and he was so good he does tech support now
IceBerg: "yeah, I used to be an investment banker, but those guys are douchebags, so I clean the toilets now."
***GorbaChavez is to be LOL'ing
GorbaChavez: maybe he was an excel programmer?
IceBerg: I was thinking HTML programmer
IceBerg: or mainframe data entry programmer
GorbaChavez: or VCR programmer
IceBerg: FTW
***GorbaChavez does the Rocky victory dance
***IceBerg thinks he hears "Eye of the Tiger" faintly in the distance

Who's the fairest of them all?

Two Dolla Cha'balla: do you do yahoo answers?
GorbaChavez: in terms of answering the questions?
Two Dolla Cha'balla: yesh
Two Dolla Cha'balla: i'm level 2, but it's taking forever to get to level 3
GorbaChavez: asking yourself "am I gay" over and over again isnt' the way to get to level 3...

nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh. Till-Man!

IceBerg: seriously, as part of the preliminary experimentation for our upcoming web two-dot-oh applications, I checked out how Unicode submission in a web form actually works. it's a den of horrors.
GorbaChavez: do we like dens of horrors?
IceBerg: no, we like dens of whores
GorbaChavez: another post! to the blogs!

and thean?

IceBerg: that seems workable
GorbaChavez: it's the bedroom, I would care less about it then a more public area
IceBerg: you also care less about spelling "than" correctly
GorbaChavez: I spelled than and then correctly...
GorbaChavez: I simply misused them
IceBerg: like I misused this conversation
GorbaChavez: then I kicked you in the balls for being a bigger douche than me

As your attorney on this matter, I advise you to blog this...

IceBerg: I hate miscellaneous shopping of all types (e.g., Target), but the grocery store is in a category by itself.

GorbaChavez: if this conversation involved Cha'baller he would be chiming in, "but that's where you go to hook up with all the hot moms!"
IceBerg: wow, I can actually imagine that exact sentence being emitted by him
IceBerg: I wonder how many hot moms with whom he's actually hooked up?
GorbaChavez: zero is my guess.  I would bet money
IceBerg: I would actually lay odds that it's zero
GorbaChavez: you could probably increase that sample size by replacing 'moms' with girls/women
GorbaChavez: and still come up with the same result
GorbaChavez: I'm only saying what you're thinking
IceBerg: that sounds like it could have come out of my mouth
GorbaChavez: except that you would have used words like 'standard deviation', 'coeficient' (but spelled correctly), and 'quadratic'
IceBerg: nice

my NOUN is more ADJECTIVE than your NOUN

GorbaChavez: stupid network security

Cha'Baller: my asshole is more secure than this network
GorbaChavez: that's not what it says in the bathroom stall
Cha'Baller: fuck, which stall is that!? it's lying!
GorbaChavez: all of them
Cha'Baller: that's the last time i write my own name on bathroom stall mad libs

Please to be posting

GorbaChavez: wtf, where does firefox "print to pdf" files go?

IceBerg: the same place your grammar went, evidently
GorbaChavez: I am to be LOL'ing
IceBerg: celebrations of my funny!

I've got the prescription for you, Doctor...

Cha'baller: what's shakin?
IceBerg: bacon?
IceBerg: I think it's time for lunch
Cha'baller: good, good
Cha'baller: i've been thinking about hot dogs myself
IceBerg: you should perhaps read some Freud?
Cha'baller: negative, i don't want any more drama
IceBerg: I'm not the one "thinking about hot dogs"
Cha'baller: i need beef injections to stay alive
Cha'baller: gimme that meat
IceBerg: wow, you just ran with that

I'm Too Sexy for my X11

Gorbachavez: https://wiki.ubuntu.com/Artwork/Incoming/Intrepid/Wall-light
IceBerg: the gdm design is Win 
IceBerg: I don't like the desktop stuff; Mac OS X envy isn't my style
GorbaChavez: because you get your style from reading Vogue?
IceBerg: I read it for the articles?

     .

     .

     .

IceBerg: I don't read it for the articles?

Coolhunters

GorbaChavez: Mich-Mich is at the zoo and she just messaged me, "I fed a sting-ray. I felt weird and awesome"
IceBerg: that's pretty cool
GorbaChavez: I told her it was, "just like the first time I felt your boobies"
IceBerg: calling them "boobies" really made it
IceBerg: My baby's mama messaged me yesterday, wondering why you thought I was a tomboy
GorbaChavez: I told Mich-Mich the story but she didn't find it as funny
IceBerg: likewise
IceBerg: I guess we should focus group these things
GorbaChavez: I thought we were our own focus group
IceBerg: evidently that doesn't predict broad appeal
IceBerg: by that, I mean appeal to broads

I have nothing of use to tell you...nothing

TheBoss: i heard some very good things about your programming skills. i want u to get to the business of development...
Cha'baller: yes, some people like to talk about my magic behind closed doors
Cha'baller: while others mock me openly
Cha'baller: who's to say which way is correct!

...
GorbaChavez: clearly he's been misled
Cha'baller: my trumpet is loud

The Real Slim Shady

GorbaChavez: maybe this whole "technology" thing isn't for you
NotTheMama: dude, i'm just ahead of my time
NotTheMama: you don't understand my genius
NotTheMama: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS MY GENIUS
NotTheMama: "if i ruled the world..."
NotTheMama: "i'd free all my sons..."
NotTheMama: "i love em, love em, baby..."
NotTheMama: i'm done here
GorbaChavez: the 90's called....they want their white boy wannabe gangstas back
NotTheMama: well played

Touché

GorbaChavez: I heard you were the butt of a good joke
Cha'baller: not much of a joke really
GorbaChavez: oh, it was good
Cha'baller: you weren't even there
GorbaChavez: everyone's talking about it
Cha'baller: you mean IceBerg?
GorbaChavez: yes, but he's telling everyone
Cha'baller: you mean you?
GorbaChavez: you are a worthy adversary...

Fight the Pow-purrrrrr

Butler X: I've have never won _any_ type of raffle or otherwise random type contest in my life
Butler X: it's because I'm a black man, and the white people are too afraid to let me win anything
Butler X: it's all a conspiracy
Gorbachavez: that's what I'm saying. luckily I'm white enough to be allowed to participate
Butler X: exactly. your not viewed as a threat as much
Gorbachavez: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/
Butler X: most of my white friends definitely fit all the posts on that site.
Butler X: I was a white friends house yesterday as a matter of fact, eating pizza. And his cat jumped on the table and smelled the pizza, and he was wondering why I didn't want anymore. He was all like "but she didn't _touch_ it, just put her nose near it".
Butler X: I'm like so damned what, that's too close for me. See, that is some white people sh*t.
Butler X: That is the second time that's happened to me...
LOL Cat: I can has peeza?

2007-07-27, #99
Originally uploaded by thebruce0.

Showing up is half the battle!

MaddBear: lunch?
GorbaChavez: where?
MaddBear: how about here?
GorbaChavez: remind me to kick you in the balls for going on vacation but still wasting time instant messaging
GorbaChavez: I still owe you another for your vegas trip when you did the same
MaddBear: junk kick
GorbaChavez: wha-tah!
GorbaChavez: if I were a G.I. José doll, it would be my "kung-fu grip"

Mighty Morphin' Porn Rangers

GorbaChavez: You are weak sauce..
Major Suckage: Why?
GorbaChavez: That's just the word around town.
Major Suckage: They are on to me!
GorbaChavez: Did I ever tell you that I think you missed your calling as a power ranger?
Major Suckage: That's why I'm a porn star.
GorbaChavez: and you name is Weak Sauce
Major Suckage: My porn name is Poncho Pistolas
...

Major Suckage: Bring Garage Band to the BBQ and you'll be my best friend.
GorbaChavez: I thought I was your best friend!?
Major Suckage: You are if you bring Rock Band, not Garage Band.
Major Suckage: I'm buzzing.

We've gone mobile!

Wascally Wabbit

Cha'baller: how's your project going for you?
GorbaChavez: I'm falling deeper down the rabbit hole?
Cha'baller: speaking of rabbits
Cha'baller: have you seen Nabaztag?
Cha'baller: it's so gay, i want one
GorbaChavez: he blinks!
GorbaChavez: he talks!
GorbaChavez: he moves!
GorbaChavez: he sniffs objects?

Nice Trumpet

IceBerg: your primary skills are Java and C++, but your secondary skill is playing the trumpet
IceBerg: I shall alert your manager shortly
Cha'Baller: yeah, I dunno why he put that on the email
Cha'Baller: my primary skill is internet comparison shopping
IceBerg: your resume just writes itself

That's Not a Vowel

NotTheMama: i think you should start that last post with:
NotTheMama: 'GorbaChavez: http://www.hauppauge.com/site/products/data_hdpvr.html
NotTheMama: otherwise it's out of context
GorbaChavez: no, it's always a good time to describe me as the vanna white of xyz
NotTheMama: this is true

I'd Like to Buy a Vowel

NotTheMama: you are like the vanna white of audio/video
GorbaChavez: ?
NotTheMama: you showcase/highlight fun and exciting products for me
NotTheMama: now if you could only put on a dress and some lipstick...
GorbaChavez: who says I haven't!?
NotTheMama: don't toy with me

YourManInIndia.com

NotTheMama: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25373587/
GorbaChavez: finally! I'll have time to finish that book I've been working on
NotTheMama: "GorbaChavez Unleashed"?
GorbaChavez: "..the unauthorized autobiogrophy"
NotTheMama: nice. it may be the first and only in the history of the world
GorbaChavez: that's my goal
GorbaChavez: I can sue myself for defamation of character
GorbaChavez: and say things like, "he doesn't even know me!"
GorbaChavez: or, "he wasn't eve there!"
NotTheMama: genius... sheer genius
NotTheMama: "i knew GorbaChavez, and you, sir, are no GorbaChavez..."
IceBerg: alas, it's been done
NotTheMama: damnit, there are people dumber than we are
NotTheMama: my money was on us all the way
IceBerg: that's the thing about the Internet
IceBerg: I was considered a pretty clever/funny guy in school. now, I'm just another sarcastic also-ran.
MaddBear: can I out source my hunger?
GorbaChavez: to me? sure...
MaddBear: gonna go out, come back, and feed me regurgitation style?
GorbaChavez: if that's what you pay for...
MaddBear: can i get a lap dance with that paid regurgitation?

...and so it is

GorbaChavez: you went to see wicked, right?
GorbaChavez: in your opinion, orchestra seating or lodge/balcony seating?
NotTheMama: don't even remember where we sat : )
NotTheMama: that was like 18 months ago
GorbaChavez: man. you don't have a kid yet
GorbaChavez: you can't be loosing your marbles like that
NotTheMama: i live a fast and furious life, i can't be remembering all those details
NotTheMama: btw, i finished gta last night
NotTheMama: well, the story part anyway
GorbaChavez: was it worth it?
NotTheMama: definitely. i'd give it a 9.0
Nino: of course you would
NotTheMama: hey, i'm not a fanboy giving it a perfect 10
NotTheMama: there's room for improvement
NotTheMama: but it's still a damn good game
GorbaChavez: you're a fanboy
NotTheMama: i wonder if a reviewer born with an extra finger could technically give a game an 11
NotTheMama: ok there, mr. rainy mcrainonmyparade
NotTheMama: don't hate the playa, hate the game!
NotTheMama: oh, wait
NotTheMama: that's what you're doing
GorbaChavez: indeed
NotTheMama: if you were to post that on MGT, the title would be "Grand Theft of My Time"

Days of our Lives

Tillmanski: http://www.beedocuments.com/index.php
GorbaChavez: wtf
Tillmanski: really cool/simple app for creating timelines
Tillmanski: i'm about to start using it for a release presentation
GorbaChavez: get working on our time together
Tillmanski: impossible, with us every day is a significant milestone
Tillmanski: LDH ** long distance hug **
***GorbaChavez sheds a silent tear

Web 2.0

GorbaChavez: I just signed up to tumblr
Tillmanski: huh, i see how rubified it is.
GorbaChavez: is that contagious?
Tillmanski: we need to start writing in web speak
GorbaChavez: lolz?
Tillmanski: * is tht contags
Tillmanski: know, why the fuck is it called tumblr
GorbaChavez: contraints of web2.0 to use only one vowel per word of domain name?
GorbaChavez: almost like as400 limit to 8 characters?
GorbaChavez: there's a joke in there somewhere
GorbaChavez: and respective blogsite
GorbaChavez: and internet meme
Tillmanski: somewher a mainfram progrmmr just died

Rockstar

NotTheMama: I've been playing GTA till 4am two nights in a row, and now every time i walk down the street i catch myself keeping a lookout for nice cars to jack
GorbaChavez: that's just because you are ghetto
NotTheMama: I is
NotTheMama: I'm ghetto fabulous

Teamwork

El Santo: Went to a cousins bachelor party once
El Santo: All guys fromthe family were there, including my dad
El Santo: Stripper in on the floor, and she has a "hand crank apparatus"
El Santo: She asks for help witht he "crank"
El Santo: I get volunteered
El Santo: So I am "cranking" away, in front of my family
El Santo: She asks for another volunteer, and up pops my dad
El Santo: saying he will show me how to work a crank
GorbaChavez: please tell me you high five'd

Porkslap!

From here on out, the "hi-5" shall be called PorkSlap...

Santo Klaus!

Santo Klaus!
Originally uploaded by Niino.

GorbaChavez: The maracas really make it authentic!

MaddBear: And I thought it was the red and green sarape that truly made this the genuine article. Of course, the Tequila Eyes add something, too.

GorbaChavez: Tequila Eyes...we gotta use that more often
MaddBear: serisouly, look at that guy
MaddBear: either that or he's having an orgasm
MaddBear: one of those quiet little ones

Saturday morning delight

NotTheMama: so saturday i was flipping thru channels and happened upon an episode of Justice Leage, in which 5 of the women superheroes are trapped in a cage match with each other...
NotTheMama: not only was it one of the best cat fights i've ever seen, but some of the lines were gems...
NotTheMama: "we're getting creamed here"
NotTheMama: "keep her busy so i can take her from behind"
NotTheMama: and a few others i can't remember...
NotTheMama: those writers sure know how to keep dads happy