...but you know what the funniest thing about Europe is?

RegalBeagle: did you get the email?
GorbaChavez: your chat with El Diablo was not blog worthy
RegalBeagle: what? it was excellent!
RegalBeagle: that stupid lil penis one was?
RegalBeagle: come on..
GorbaChavez: yes, more lil penis stories please
RegalBeagle: your all about the lil penis
GorbaChavez: i know baby, you dig it the most
RegalBeagle: i think you were looking for yank not dig

But why male models?

ThePapparazo!: {link}
RegalBeagle: pretty cool, a bit big though
ThePapparazo!: but it's the latest and greatest. has noise canceling
RegalBeagle: yeah, i like my lil penis though
ThePapparazo!: Terrible.
RegalBeagle: this one looks cool {link}
ThePapparazo!: i saw that..too small even for you.
ThePapparazo!: you'll pee on your balls with that lil penis
RegalBeagle: never too small... one day i want  a cell the size of zoolanders

The same thing we do every night, Pinky...

Maddbear: so, hey, what's our plan today?
GorbaChavez: the plan involves some crisco, chicken wire, and lots and lots of mayonaise....you in?
Maddbear: um, i meant the -other- plan
GorbaChavez: oh, oh...right
GorbaChavez: yeah, i don't know
Maddbear: : then, let's go with your first plan
GorbaChavez: ok, but i hope you brought your swim trunks
Maddbear: : speedos, never go anywhere w/o them
GorbaChavez: good man
Maddbear: : oh, and isn't it a sight to behold
GorbaChavez: i'm sure it is
Maddbear: : everybody's eyes open wide, cuz there's lots to see

Mankinder, man-down...

MaddBear: that will be $5, please...
Mankinder: I wasn't ready! I didn't have my glasses on! I didn't get any blue shells to use!
Score: 'nuff said

Because we care

We like to bring you the truth and nothing but the truth here at MGT. Therefore we've started blogging all of our errors and omissions on our companion blog http://mgterrors.blogspot.com/. Please don't hesitate to let us know when we are wrong and we will make certain to post a complete retraction if our discovery validates what YOU, our FAITHFUL READER is telling us.

Ho Ho Ho,
MGT Editor

The Gift That Keeps On Giving (sort of)

When it truly is much better to give then to receive!

Jingle Shells, Jingle Shells...

(*Special thanks to OJO for the photo-chop!)

Time Out

For failing to record The Lost Room, Devin has earned himself a time out. It's a good thing that MGT refrains from using Japanese humiliation tactics. See sidebar for more...

MGT Christmas Toy Drive

Dear citizens of lower Tillmania,

The time has come for you to spread some holiday cheer and donate your toys. We have needy children and don't have time to go buy them toys. With all the governing that we must do on a daily basis, it's a wonder we had time to have children in the first place.

Some suggestions:

Comics
Baseball cards
Jumex
Pictures of Vida Guerra
Vida Guerra herself
Plasma TV (for the baby)
XBOX 360
PS3
DS Games
Virgil's Root Beer - Baby hates Barq's

Whatever you send, send it from the heart but absolutely NO BOWLS:

Kids just don't know what to do with them. After about an hour of staring directly at her gift she fell into a deep sleep seen here:

Thankfully, Gorbachavez had his usual jungle-cat like reflexes and threw a twisty blue widget at her and she recovered nicely:

So, to recap, twisty blue widget = Awesome, bowls = scary coma.

Remember when donating to MGT you aren't just helping a child, you're helping all of Tillmanity. Unless you give them a bowl, in that case you aren't helping anyone.

Once Upon A Time In Mexico...

Mich-Mich: OH!!!!!
Mich-Mich: i had a dream
Mich-Mich: we went to mexico and u left me to go with your boys, U LEFT ME ALONE in a place i had no idea where i was
Mich-Mich: it was like spring break and u went crazy drunk, then i finally got back to our so called hotel and u came walking up these outside stairs coming towards me all dunk and trying to make out with me and i punched u twice in the face, u said sorry in a drunk voice and tried to make it up to me by trying to have sex with me, saying i love u all wasted, I WAS SOOOOO MAD!!!!
GorbaChavez: awesome
Mich-Mich:
GorbaChavez: : i'm all bloody!
Mich-Mich: good
Mich-Mich: teach u to leave me

Letters to the editor

Citizens of Tillmania,

We've had a great month here at MGT and we've received millions of letters. Both of us wanted to make sure we responded to all the letters that were worthy of response. We spared no expense in the filtering of this information and employed teams of out-of-work dwarfs to sift through the veritable cornicopia of high-praise (apparently, the market for chip-and-dip hat wearing dwarfs is drying up). Each tiny little baby finger bled, each pint-size worker crying for mercy but in true Red fashion GorbaChevez held strong with his whip and discarded the little munchkins when they could no longer fulfill their duties. So precisely 367,268,001 letters later we have the messages fit-to-print! Behold the majesty!

MGT,

Let me start by saying I really like what you are doing for us, the little people. [humanity] has been without such brilliance for what seems like millions of years. Finally, you have created a home-a community-of acceptance and sharing where everyone can come and learn about life, love and happiness. I have only one question: Is it true what they say about the astonishing size of your...you know?

Sincerely,
Charlie Rose
NYC

Charlie, MGT thanks for your due gratitude; it was noted and you will be spared. As for your question it is a common one here at MGT. In fact, all but one of the 367,268,001 letters asked this question in a round-a-bout way. In short, they are as you put it, "Astonishing in Size". While GorbaChavez has a slight edge in size I assure you we are equals in potency!

Fantastic letters everyone and keep the coming. Remember out-of-work dwarfs are like Doritos, "Eat all you want, they'll make more!"

-MGT

"El Gimp"

Paparazzo Victim Numero Uno

RegalBeagle: i remember that
RegalBeagle: : its time to quit going out this much
ThePapparazo!: what the gimp sex toys that had spikes, vibrated, and lit up, that you stuck in your mouth?
RegalBeagle: : it didn't vibe
ThePapparazo!:your mouth did...

You mean you don't want a bite of my mexican samich?

Till-Man: The Moo said i couldn't watch marina on mexivision b/c i couldn't understand it.
Till-Man: I said that it doesn't take language to understand passion.
GorbaChavez: you can't say "torta" but that doesn't keep you from eating them!