I drink therefore I am

MaddBear: So you stayed up drinking last night until MAN:30 and woke up this morning at PUSS:30?
GorbaChavez: You have an eloquence for rhetoric that compares to the masters of the renaissance
MaddBear: and you need to study some of the masters yourself, like w.c. fields, dean martin, henry bukowski...

Mr. Men

Velizzaraptor:  hey

Velizzaraptor: i just want you to know. you're only a little stupid

Velizzaraptor: you're mostly smart

Velizzaraptor: so don't feel too bad

Till-Man: thanks, you're normally not frustrating at all
Velizzaraptor:  oh! what's that!
Till-Man: you're welcome
Velizzaraptor:  hey i'm not frustrating. i'm the best.
Till-Man:  don't mention it
Velizzaraptor:  what! that requires a thanks. WHICH I DID NOT GIVE. 
Velizzaraptor: you are not thanked!
Till-Man: seriously, not a big deal, just a nice pat on the back and a little "you're welcome"
Velizzaraptor: but i'm not welcome! there was no thanks to be welcomed!
Velizzaraptor: that's thank rape!
Till-Man:  hey hey, no problem kiddo
Velizzaraptor: ok now fuck you and you're dead
Till-Man: happy that i could make you feel a...a little better about your day
Velizzaraptor: what's the emoticon for murder?
Till-Man: tickles?

I've said too much.

Vanilla IceBerg: I'm disappoint. This IM spammer is not amusing me.
Vanilla IceBerg:
 linnellsagalynr332:
 Vanilla IceBerg: O RLY?
GorbaChavez: "you don't say. literally."

[lady] luck favors the prepared

Remington Steele: i don't go to gamestop much
GorbaChavez: because you suck at life?
Remington Steele: because outside is scary
Remington Steele: and cold
GorbaChavez: full of zombies
GorbaChavez: and women
Remington Steele: i'm only prepared for one of those things

Búm Búm Páo

Vanilla IceBerg: Why are you putting together they playlist?
Vanilla IceBerg: Because you are a dee-yay?
Vanilla IceBerg: Or because you're Mexican, and you got the yob over a more qualified white candidate?
Vanilla IceBerg: Was that it, huh?
Vanilla IceBerg: Affirmative action hire, amirite?
GorbaChavez: I don't even speak english
GorbaChavez: I only know enough to answer this question and tell you as much.
Vanilla IceBerg: But what happens now?
***Vanilla IceBerg waits for it.
GorbaChavez: ¿Que?
Vanilla IceBerg: Búm.

Thousand dollar baby...

Vanilla IceBerg: So, that swanky house link I sent you.
Vanilla IceBerg: We should have an appointment to walk through in a week.
GorbaChavez: Hilary Swanky?
GorbaChavez: "Vanilla IceBerg has stopped typing..."
Vanilla IceBerg: Is Hilary Swanky when something is kind of sexy, but also vaguely like a dude?

Freaking BOT

LisaUnique88: hello?
Vanilla IceBerg: Thank you for dialing the Spambot Turing Test Hotline. How can I help you?
LisaUnique88: Im not a freaking bot
Vanilla IceBerg: I thought you were a spam bot, not a freaking bot. Those only exist in Japan.
LisaUnique88: Hmm. Have we chatted before?
Vanilla IceBerg: I don't know. Was I wearing a wizard hat?
LisaUnique88: Oh ok. I wasn't sure. Anyways... Whats up?
Vanilla IceBerg: My tolerance for pointless typing, apparently.
LisaUnique88: Oh Im like sooo bored. Theres nothing to do.
LisaUnique88: Ohhh wait. I got a idea. Have you ever watched a girl strip on cam? :-X
Vanilla IceBerg: Pornography?! On the Internet?! I must contact my local news station immediately!
LisaUnique88: Welllllll.... Do you wanna watch me strip on cam? ;-)
Vanilla IceBerg: What do computer programs look like naked?
LisaUnique88: Yeah? Ok you have to signup through this website that my cam is linked trhough so i cant be recorded ok?
LisaUnique88: It only takes a second babe and its free. k?
Vanilla IceBerg: I don't even have a first babe, let alone a second babe.
Vanilla IceBerg: Anyway, if you agree to give me US$10,000, please send a porn site URL in your next message.
LisaUnique88: http://verifiedcams.com/nikki ok go there then click on the gold JOIN FREE button at the top of the page. ok?

Come along, Dorothy. You don't want any of *those* balls.

Remington Steele: http://www.designtaxi.com/news/35279/Designer-Creates-Minimal-Posters-for-Fairy-Tales
Remington Steele: http://editorial.designtaxi.com/news-fairytales2707/10.jpeg
Remington Steele: tell me you see it and that i'm not an awful person
GorbaChavez: lions, and tigers, and balls! oh my!
Remington Steele: what the hell is that supposed to be
Remington Steele: oh
Remington Steele: it is balls
Remington Steele: for courage
Remington Steele: wtf
Remington Steele: lion balls?
Remington Steele: is that why its ok?
GorbaChavez: "Ok, Dorothy. When you get to Oz, see if the wizard can make you a penis."

Kicking ass to infinity...and beyond!

GorbaChavez: metatarsalgia does not feel good
Vanilla IceBerg: That's literally true, no, from unpacking the Greek?
Vanilla IceBerg: Like "-algia" means, "My shit be hurtin'."
Vanilla IceBerg: I think.
Vanilla IceBerg: Volleyball?
Vanilla IceBerg: Or some other injury?
Vanilla IceBerg: Were you kicking things?
Vanilla IceBerg: Or people?
Vanilla IceBerg: Hornets' nests, perhaps?
GorbaChavez: kicking ass
***GorbaChavez surveys his surroundings approvingly - Look at all this ass I kick...
Vanilla IceBerg:  http://i.imgur.com/NLBjv.jpg

Everywhere, like, such as

Vanilla IceBerg: Oh noes! http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/06/06/us-google-china-idUSTRE7550CV20110606
GorbaChavez: "When The China and such own everything, Google better watch out"
Vanilla IceBerg: That's the message I got.
Vanilla IceBerg: Apparently, we won't be invited to the Communist Party.
Vanilla IceBerg: See what I did there?
GorbaChavez: stole my heart?
Vanilla IceBerg: <3

Padfone!

Remington Steele:  [video link] LOLOL
Remington Steele: its so uncomfortable
Remington Steele: "SHAZAM!"
GorbaChavez: "without further deray"
GorbaChavez: I'm such a racist
Remington Steele: i watched without sound
Remington Steele: i assume a gong chimed
GorbaChavez: there's some samurai Sunday villain laugh going on too
Regal Beagle: this guy must have learned his presentation skills from a grade school magician...

It's OK, to be Takei

GorbaChavez: Till-Man is in our timezone.
Vanilla IceBerg: Is that code for him not liking dudes anymore?
GorbaChavez: I like it.
GorbaChavez: wait. did you just call me Takei?
Vanilla IceBerg: No, him.
Vanilla IceBerg: I implied that Till-Man used to be Takei but had now "come to our timezone."
GorbaChavez: It's still funny; even though it had to be explained.

Green Card

Mystery Meat: I'm out - tricked a girl into hanging out with me ;)
GorbaChavez: I know how that goes. I tricked Mich-Mich into marrying me.
GorbaChavez: it's also how I got my citizenship
Mystery Meat: seriously?
GorbaChavez: no. no.
GorbaChavez: I'm still illegal.

#winning

GorbaChavez: dammit.

GorbaChavez: so, Mich-Mich is finally getting around to switching from yahoo mail

GorbaChavez: but you need "mail plus" to use POP and/or forwarding

Vanilla IceBerg: Yup.

Vanilla IceBerg: Been there, done that.

Vanilla IceBerg: That's why Cristmas had a 1-year deadline to get switched over.

Vanilla IceBerg: Which she broke.

Vanilla IceBerg: So now she has a *new* 1-year deadline.

Vanilla IceBerg: Anyway, I set up Gmail to put a red "WTF-Yahoo" label on mail that came through that forwarding pipeline so she would have some indication of how complete the switch was.

GorbaChavez: we're clearly on the same page on this subject

Vanilla IceBerg: By "subject" you mean "life."

EspongaRoberto Pantalones Quadrados

Vanilla IceBerg: Man, the Comcast internet plus the Argonne Debian/Ubuntu mirror is awesome.
Vanilla IceBerg: It can saturate my 22-Mb/s conneciton.
GorbaChavez: I'm easily saturated
Vanilla IceBerg: Mexicans are spongy; that's how they can float across the Gulf to the U.S.

Hey, you're a racist, right?

Remington Steele: ok, i have to say this to _someone_ that understands
Remington Steele: why has NO ONE made the obvious joke about the white iphone arriving super late?
Remington Steele: or maybe it's the obvious non-joke
GorbaChavez: the latter
GorbaChavez: like, the white iPhone would be early.
GorbaChavez: wait. did you just call me a racist?

Precious

GorbaChavez: the new price on the old iPad is compelling
GorbaChavez: but I would probably want the iPad2
GorbaChavez: shit just represents so much utility for our demographic
Vanilla IceBerg: The "always buying things" demographic?
Vanilla IceBerg: Or Mexicans?
GorbaChavez: you'll rue the day when we're stuck in a mine and I have my iPad2 and you just have your deposit book, with all your mobneys
Vanilla IceBerg: Like, I'm huddled in the corner, stroking my old-school deposit book.
GorbaChavez: whispering, "Soon, my pretty.  Very, very soon..."

I don't know or care what that is

Vanilla IceBerg: SMS exchange with Cristmas:

Cristmas: So tried to run a report and got the following error "the bootstrap sequence has failed". Awesome, huh?
Cristmas: So called IT and they were usual helpful self. 'you have to hard wired or wifi to download dashboard. Your wireless card doesn't work well'
Me: Wat?
Cristmas: What I heard is 'we have shitty software that requires huge downloads of data. Because of this until you have the same error on wifi go fuck yourself'
Me: I could not possibly be more attracted to you than I am right now.

Gorbachavez: I lol'd
Gorbachavez: you continue to be my favorite humans
Vanilla IceBerg: Ironically.
Vanilla IceBerg: I was trying like crazy to get Baby A on "tape" saying "Never take off robot pants," this weekend.
Vanilla IceBerg: I'm hoping for success soon.
Gorbachavez: I could not possibly be more attracted to you than I am right now.
Vanilla IceBerg: </scene>

Sacrifices Must Be Made

Orville Fehrenbacher: Started trying Rhapsody this weekend
GorbaChavez: OH RLY?
Orville Fehrenbacher: not sure how I lived my life before this
GorbaChavez: that sounds about right
Orville Fehrenbacher: It seems too good to be true, the more I think about it
GorbaChavez: let's just say, I used to have three children

Eating Disorder

GorbaChavez: I have a new found appreciation for language in general
GorbaChavez: like, it's the greatest man-made invention, ever.
Vanilla IceBerg: I'm sure that's true.
Vanilla IceBerg: In particular, the word "taco."
Vanilla IceBerg: Because it describes tacos.
Vanilla IceBerg: Like, without that word, the best thing ever would be rendered inexpressible.
GorbaChavez: like, the set of emotions of experiencing a taco mixed with the inability to express it [the experience] would cause people's heads to explode. thereby, making the taco, literally, the last thing you do on earth.
Vanilla IceBerg: A collective consciousness gone supernova. Exactly.

Don't eat the yellow snow!

Till-Man: i see you've been busy: http://jalopnik.com/#!5750171/yes-thats-a-snow-penis
GorbaChavez: that's not how I make a snow penis
Till-Man: is yours brown'er?

SNOMGWTF!

Vanilla Icberg:  SNOMGWTF!
Vanilla Icberg::  So, according to the socials, you got stuck last night?
GorbaChavez:  i'm still at the office
Vanilla Icberg:  Dot dot dot...
Vanilla Icberg::  I assume it was like this in 1999 too, but I didn't go out in that one either.
GorbaChavez:  you weren't hatched yet
Vanilla Icberg:  I was near the end of the college.
GorbaChavez:  is that what they told you?
Vanilla Icberg:  It is.
GorbaChavez  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0124298/
Vanilla Icberg:  Does that make you my Alicia Silverstone?
GorbaChavez  as if!

I'm too young to die!

GorbaChavez: dun, dun, dun. one of our sites went down
Vanilla IceBerg: Oh, damn.
Vanilla IceBerg: Too much traffic?
GorbaChavez: I wonder.  Our  team had been on alert anticipating this might happen today.
Vanilla IceBerg: "Team, we believe it's possible that more than two people will use our website AT THE SAME TIME."
GorbaChavez: Gasps from everyone gathered. And a feint stench of urine.

The Golden [shower] Army

Remington Steele: i liked some of hell boy 2 
Remington Steele: not the giant plant monster
Remington Steele: but the bad guy elf was bad ass
Remington Steele: the robot army was lame
GorbaChavez: yes. yes. and yes.
GorbaChavez: the bad guy elf was also the bad guy vampire in Blade Trinity, which I think failed to meet its potential
Remington Steele: i didn't see that one
GorbaChavez: I will admit my man-crush on Ryan Reynolds
Remington Steele: well that came out of almost nowhere
Remington Steele: you could've gone a lot of routes there; jessica biel, vampires... but no, you went right after van wilder

GorbaChavez: if I could someone combine a hug and a hi-5 together, that is what I would give to you 
Vanilla Iceberg: I like it.
GorbaChavez: I meant somehow, obvios 
GorbaChavez: I don't think I can someone someone or something 
GorbaChavez: maybe that's the riddle to "accidentally the whole bottle"
Vanilla Iceberg: Yeah, like that's the missing link.
Vanilla Iceberg: Or verb.
GorbaChavez: they accidentally someone'd the whole bottle

I miss your musk

Till-Man: yo, shoot me your address 
GorbaChavez: 1313 Mockingbird Lane
Till-Man: thanks! 
GorbaChavez: are you sending me a Fleshlight?
Till-Man: I would but "nina" stays with me 

¿dónde están tus papeles?

Rappin' Rodica: Just wanted to make sure, the login for the website that you found; was for the dev environment? 
Rappin' Rodica: and not production? 
GorbaChavez: I don't remember
GorbaChavez: I suppose in dev, you can just register yourself 
Rappin' Rodica: that is true 
GorbaChavez:  would I lie to you? 
Rappin' Rodica: Who knows, you are GorbaChavez after all. 
GorbaChavez: that could be a lie as well; for all you know
Rappin' Rodica: That is true 
Rappin' Rodica: Do you happen to have an Org ID or Registration number for registering? 
GorbaChavez: are you asking me for my green card? 

Torta

Till-Man: Even in mexico hombre!

GorbaChavez: Ha!

GorbaChavez: Had lunch with MaddBear and Major Lee Gay today and your name came up. 

GorbaChavez: Made me realize we'd been out of touch.

GorbaChavez: But now i see we are always, somehow, connected.

Till-Man: There was a disturbance in the force.

Son of a bitch. Literally.

GorbaChavez: wth
Vanilla IceBerg: Hm.
GorbaChavez: I'm on the upromise site
GorbaChavez: security question
GorbaChavez: What was the name of your first pet? (FIRST NAME only) 
Vanilla IceBerg: Awesome.
GorbaChavez: you mean I can't use Mr. Barky Von Schnouzer
Vanilla IceBerg: "Freckles González Pérez Chavez"
Vanilla IceBerg: "IV"
GorbaChavez: Los peritos de Pepé
Vanilla IceBerg: Exactly. It's to prevent the extensive family lineage of Mexican pets.