...but you know what the funniest thing about Europe is?

RegalBeagle: did you get the email?
GorbaChavez: your chat with El Diablo was not blog worthy
RegalBeagle: what? it was excellent!
RegalBeagle: that stupid lil penis one was?
RegalBeagle: come on..
GorbaChavez: yes, more lil penis stories please
RegalBeagle: your all about the lil penis
GorbaChavez: i know baby, you dig it the most
RegalBeagle: i think you were looking for yank not dig

But why male models?

ThePapparazo!: {link}
RegalBeagle: pretty cool, a bit big though
ThePapparazo!: but it's the latest and greatest. has noise canceling
RegalBeagle: yeah, i like my lil penis though
ThePapparazo!: Terrible.
RegalBeagle: this one looks cool {link}
ThePapparazo!: i saw that..too small even for you.
ThePapparazo!: you'll pee on your balls with that lil penis
RegalBeagle: never too small... one day i want  a cell the size of zoolanders

The same thing we do every night, Pinky...

Maddbear: so, hey, what's our plan today?
GorbaChavez: the plan involves some crisco, chicken wire, and lots and lots of mayonaise....you in?
Maddbear: um, i meant the -other- plan
GorbaChavez: oh, oh...right
GorbaChavez: yeah, i don't know
Maddbear: : then, let's go with your first plan
GorbaChavez: ok, but i hope you brought your swim trunks
Maddbear: : speedos, never go anywhere w/o them
GorbaChavez: good man
Maddbear: : oh, and isn't it a sight to behold
GorbaChavez: i'm sure it is
Maddbear: : everybody's eyes open wide, cuz there's lots to see

Mankinder, man-down...

MaddBear: that will be $5, please...
Mankinder: I wasn't ready! I didn't have my glasses on! I didn't get any blue shells to use!
Score: 'nuff said

Because we care

We like to bring you the truth and nothing but the truth here at MGT. Therefore we've started blogging all of our errors and omissions on our companion blog http://mgterrors.blogspot.com/. Please don't hesitate to let us know when we are wrong and we will make certain to post a complete retraction if our discovery validates what YOU, our FAITHFUL READER is telling us.

Ho Ho Ho,
MGT Editor

The Gift That Keeps On Giving (sort of)

When it truly is much better to give then to receive!

Jingle Shells, Jingle Shells...

(*Special thanks to OJO for the photo-chop!)

Time Out

For failing to record The Lost Room, Devin has earned himself a time out. It's a good thing that MGT refrains from using Japanese humiliation tactics. See sidebar for more...

MGT Christmas Toy Drive

Dear citizens of lower Tillmania,

The time has come for you to spread some holiday cheer and donate your toys. We have needy children and don't have time to go buy them toys. With all the governing that we must do on a daily basis, it's a wonder we had time to have children in the first place.

Some suggestions:

Comics
Baseball cards
Jumex
Pictures of Vida Guerra
Vida Guerra herself
Plasma TV (for the baby)
XBOX 360
PS3
DS Games
Virgil's Root Beer - Baby hates Barq's

Whatever you send, send it from the heart but absolutely NO BOWLS:

Kids just don't know what to do with them. After about an hour of staring directly at her gift she fell into a deep sleep seen here:

Thankfully, Gorbachavez had his usual jungle-cat like reflexes and threw a twisty blue widget at her and she recovered nicely:

So, to recap, twisty blue widget = Awesome, bowls = scary coma.

Remember when donating to MGT you aren't just helping a child, you're helping all of Tillmanity. Unless you give them a bowl, in that case you aren't helping anyone.

Once Upon A Time In Mexico...

Mich-Mich: OH!!!!!
Mich-Mich: i had a dream
Mich-Mich: we went to mexico and u left me to go with your boys, U LEFT ME ALONE in a place i had no idea where i was
Mich-Mich: it was like spring break and u went crazy drunk, then i finally got back to our so called hotel and u came walking up these outside stairs coming towards me all dunk and trying to make out with me and i punched u twice in the face, u said sorry in a drunk voice and tried to make it up to me by trying to have sex with me, saying i love u all wasted, I WAS SOOOOO MAD!!!!
GorbaChavez: awesome
Mich-Mich:
GorbaChavez: : i'm all bloody!
Mich-Mich: good
Mich-Mich: teach u to leave me

Letters to the editor

Citizens of Tillmania,

We've had a great month here at MGT and we've received millions of letters. Both of us wanted to make sure we responded to all the letters that were worthy of response. We spared no expense in the filtering of this information and employed teams of out-of-work dwarfs to sift through the veritable cornicopia of high-praise (apparently, the market for chip-and-dip hat wearing dwarfs is drying up). Each tiny little baby finger bled, each pint-size worker crying for mercy but in true Red fashion GorbaChevez held strong with his whip and discarded the little munchkins when they could no longer fulfill their duties. So precisely 367,268,001 letters later we have the messages fit-to-print! Behold the majesty!

MGT,

Let me start by saying I really like what you are doing for us, the little people. [humanity] has been without such brilliance for what seems like millions of years. Finally, you have created a home-a community-of acceptance and sharing where everyone can come and learn about life, love and happiness. I have only one question: Is it true what they say about the astonishing size of your...you know?

Sincerely,
Charlie Rose
NYC

Charlie, MGT thanks for your due gratitude; it was noted and you will be spared. As for your question it is a common one here at MGT. In fact, all but one of the 367,268,001 letters asked this question in a round-a-bout way. In short, they are as you put it, "Astonishing in Size". While GorbaChavez has a slight edge in size I assure you we are equals in potency!

Fantastic letters everyone and keep the coming. Remember out-of-work dwarfs are like Doritos, "Eat all you want, they'll make more!"

-MGT

"El Gimp"

Paparazzo Victim Numero Uno

RegalBeagle: i remember that
RegalBeagle: : its time to quit going out this much
ThePapparazo!: what the gimp sex toys that had spikes, vibrated, and lit up, that you stuck in your mouth?
RegalBeagle: : it didn't vibe
ThePapparazo!:your mouth did...

You mean you don't want a bite of my mexican samich?

Till-Man: The Moo said i couldn't watch marina on mexivision b/c i couldn't understand it.
Till-Man: I said that it doesn't take language to understand passion.
GorbaChavez: you can't say "torta" but that doesn't keep you from eating them!

You mean you don't want a bite of my fish samich?

RegalBeagle: Thumbs up or down?
GorbaChavez: two thumbs up...all the way up!
GorbaChavez: : wait, what are we talking about? and does it involve fish sandwiches?
RegalBeagle: : dork
RegalBeagle: : [the girl]?
RegalBeagle: : fish tacos
GorbaChavez: : dude! we used to make fun of her!
GorbaChavez: : don't you member? you member!
GorbaChavez: : and i heard she was there kissing on some other dude then was all up on you later that night...wtf!
GorbaChavez: : come one buddy...come on buddy!
RegalBeagle: : this is just for fun
RegalBeagle: : not for a relationship
GorbaChavez: : i say nay
RegalBeagle: : boo
RegalBeagle: : damn ya
GorbaChavez: : would you drink well drinks "just for fun"...no!
GorbaChavez: : top shelf all the time man!
GorbaChavez: : get your mind right
GorbaChavez: : do we need an intervention? do i need to get Mich-Mich involved?
RegalBeagle: : no i drink well drinks to get drunk
RegalBeagle: : i date chicks like this to get laid
GorbaChavez: : well played

Then He Stuck a G.I. Joe Up His Ass...

From now on, random quotes from funny movies will not be allowed without context.

"And then he said goony-goo-goo..."
"Yeah man, that's some real funny shit."

Limp-wristed Neutrality

Andy: quick
Andy: i need a snappy headline for Discover card
Andy: you get an amazon gift card if you sign up
Andy: youre fired
GorbaChavez: oh i'm no good at this
Andy: i know, that's why I just fired you
Andy: don't take anything on the way out
GorbaChavez: but i don't even work here!
Andy: Security!
Andy: yes, that one
Andy: yeah, apparently i'm no good at this either
GorbaChavez: http://www.textart.ru/database/slogan/credit-card-advertising-slogans.html
GorbaChavez: when all else fails, steal an idea
Andy: sweet
GorbaChavez: you should submit "It pays to Discover"
Andy: how about "It pays to Discover"
Andy: nice
GorbaChavez: lol
GorbaChavez: jinx!
Andy: mmfph
GorbaChavez: this conversation deserves blogging
Andy: what doesn't these days
Andy: I like this slogan for the CCOP Swiss Bank
Andy: "CCOP. The clean Swiss Bank."
GorbaChavez: genius
Andy: i guess there's a lot of dirty banks in switzerland
Andy: chocolate and clocks all over the floor
GorbaChavez: and watch parts
Andy: and limp-wristed neutrality
GorbaChavez: zing!
Andy: Send that to the Swiss Consulate
Andy: put that in his chocolate pipe and smoke it
Andy: speaking of chocolate pieps
Andy: pipes
GorbaChavez: let's not speak of chocolate pieps anymore
GorbaChavez: pipes yes, pieps no
Andy: I have a big chocolate pipe that needs unclogging
Andy: gross
GorbaChavez: you've crossed the line
Andy: ((unclogged))

Gospel According to Matthew

From now on, all laughing in blog form shall be spelled: teehehehehehehehehe instead of hehehehehehe.

This is the word of the Lord.

Those Damn Liberals...

Beardsley: hey, speaking of, would you like an invite to our holiday party, i'm guessing you wouldn't want to spend too much time with all our old friends, but if you were in the area anyway, you might drop buy for a cocktail
gorbachavez: but we don't really like you
gorbachavez: sure, send the invite to me and michelle, she is the keeper of the calendar
Beardsley: yeah, we don't like you much either, but michelle we like, it's been so hard for us to invite her to stuff without getting you involved
gorbachavez: i get that ll the time
Beardsley: oh, and you help boost our diversity score, we have so many liberal friends, and you know how judgmental they can be. we have to actually go rent a retard and a midget for occasions like this one
gorbachavez: ill come wearing a bowtie, condeming the immigrants and evangelizing immigrant reform
Beardsley: back in the 90s we could bring in some somali aids babies, but they've all died
gorbachavez: you have to get the midgets with the big hats that you can set your drink on...where the center of the hat holds a bowl for chips and dip

Wonder-Twin Powers Activate, Form of Kick-Ass Blog!!!!

Other blogs can eat our collective asses!

So It begins...