I drink therefore I am

MaddBear: So you stayed up drinking last night until MAN:30 and woke up this morning at PUSS:30?
GorbaChavez: You have an eloquence for rhetoric that compares to the masters of the renaissance
MaddBear: and you need to study some of the masters yourself, like w.c. fields, dean martin, henry bukowski...

Mr. Men

Velizzaraptor:  hey

Velizzaraptor: i just want you to know. you're only a little stupid

Velizzaraptor: you're mostly smart

Velizzaraptor: so don't feel too bad

Till-Man: thanks, you're normally not frustrating at all
Velizzaraptor:  oh! what's that!
Till-Man: you're welcome
Velizzaraptor:  hey i'm not frustrating. i'm the best.
Till-Man:  don't mention it
Velizzaraptor:  what! that requires a thanks. WHICH I DID NOT GIVE. 
Velizzaraptor: you are not thanked!
Till-Man: seriously, not a big deal, just a nice pat on the back and a little "you're welcome"
Velizzaraptor: but i'm not welcome! there was no thanks to be welcomed!
Velizzaraptor: that's thank rape!
Till-Man:  hey hey, no problem kiddo
Velizzaraptor: ok now fuck you and you're dead
Till-Man: happy that i could make you feel a...a little better about your day
Velizzaraptor: what's the emoticon for murder?
Till-Man: tickles?

I've said too much.

Vanilla IceBerg: I'm disappoint. This IM spammer is not amusing me.
Vanilla IceBerg:
 linnellsagalynr332:
 Vanilla IceBerg: O RLY?
GorbaChavez: "you don't say. literally."

[lady] luck favors the prepared

Remington Steele: i don't go to gamestop much
GorbaChavez: because you suck at life?
Remington Steele: because outside is scary
Remington Steele: and cold
GorbaChavez: full of zombies
GorbaChavez: and women
Remington Steele: i'm only prepared for one of those things

Búm Búm Páo

Vanilla IceBerg: Why are you putting together they playlist?
Vanilla IceBerg: Because you are a dee-yay?
Vanilla IceBerg: Or because you're Mexican, and you got the yob over a more qualified white candidate?
Vanilla IceBerg: Was that it, huh?
Vanilla IceBerg: Affirmative action hire, amirite?
GorbaChavez: I don't even speak english
GorbaChavez: I only know enough to answer this question and tell you as much.
Vanilla IceBerg: But what happens now?
***Vanilla IceBerg waits for it.
GorbaChavez: ¿Que?
Vanilla IceBerg: Búm.

Thousand dollar baby...

Vanilla IceBerg: So, that swanky house link I sent you.
Vanilla IceBerg: We should have an appointment to walk through in a week.
GorbaChavez: Hilary Swanky?
GorbaChavez: "Vanilla IceBerg has stopped typing..."
Vanilla IceBerg: Is Hilary Swanky when something is kind of sexy, but also vaguely like a dude?

Freaking BOT

LisaUnique88: hello?
Vanilla IceBerg: Thank you for dialing the Spambot Turing Test Hotline. How can I help you?
LisaUnique88: Im not a freaking bot
Vanilla IceBerg: I thought you were a spam bot, not a freaking bot. Those only exist in Japan.
LisaUnique88: Hmm. Have we chatted before?
Vanilla IceBerg: I don't know. Was I wearing a wizard hat?
LisaUnique88: Oh ok. I wasn't sure. Anyways... Whats up?
Vanilla IceBerg: My tolerance for pointless typing, apparently.
LisaUnique88: Oh Im like sooo bored. Theres nothing to do.
LisaUnique88: Ohhh wait. I got a idea. Have you ever watched a girl strip on cam? :-X
Vanilla IceBerg: Pornography?! On the Internet?! I must contact my local news station immediately!
LisaUnique88: Welllllll.... Do you wanna watch me strip on cam? ;-)
Vanilla IceBerg: What do computer programs look like naked?
LisaUnique88: Yeah? Ok you have to signup through this website that my cam is linked trhough so i cant be recorded ok?
LisaUnique88: It only takes a second babe and its free. k?
Vanilla IceBerg: I don't even have a first babe, let alone a second babe.
Vanilla IceBerg: Anyway, if you agree to give me US$10,000, please send a porn site URL in your next message.
LisaUnique88: http://verifiedcams.com/nikki ok go there then click on the gold JOIN FREE button at the top of the page. ok?

Come along, Dorothy. You don't want any of *those* balls.

Remington Steele: http://www.designtaxi.com/news/35279/Designer-Creates-Minimal-Posters-for-Fairy-Tales
Remington Steele: http://editorial.designtaxi.com/news-fairytales2707/10.jpeg
Remington Steele: tell me you see it and that i'm not an awful person
GorbaChavez: lions, and tigers, and balls! oh my!
Remington Steele: what the hell is that supposed to be
Remington Steele: oh
Remington Steele: it is balls
Remington Steele: for courage
Remington Steele: wtf
Remington Steele: lion balls?
Remington Steele: is that why its ok?
GorbaChavez: "Ok, Dorothy. When you get to Oz, see if the wizard can make you a penis."

Kicking ass to infinity...and beyond!

GorbaChavez: metatarsalgia does not feel good
Vanilla IceBerg: That's literally true, no, from unpacking the Greek?
Vanilla IceBerg: Like "-algia" means, "My shit be hurtin'."
Vanilla IceBerg: I think.
Vanilla IceBerg: Volleyball?
Vanilla IceBerg: Or some other injury?
Vanilla IceBerg: Were you kicking things?
Vanilla IceBerg: Or people?
Vanilla IceBerg: Hornets' nests, perhaps?
GorbaChavez: kicking ass
***GorbaChavez surveys his surroundings approvingly - Look at all this ass I kick...
Vanilla IceBerg:  http://i.imgur.com/NLBjv.jpg

Everywhere, like, such as

Vanilla IceBerg: Oh noes! http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/06/06/us-google-china-idUSTRE7550CV20110606
GorbaChavez: "When The China and such own everything, Google better watch out"
Vanilla IceBerg: That's the message I got.
Vanilla IceBerg: Apparently, we won't be invited to the Communist Party.
Vanilla IceBerg: See what I did there?
GorbaChavez: stole my heart?
Vanilla IceBerg: <3