Desperate Times

GorbaChavez: have you caught the show, Castle?
NotTheMama: of course! it's the only way i can get my Nate fix
NotTheMama: even tho it's not really a great show, in and of itself
NotTheMama: i don't like the chick... smthg about her acting puts me off
NotTheMama: i also kinda started watching desp housewives, and just remembered he was on that for a bit
NotTheMama: and once again, i've said too much
GorbaChavez: yes, I am aware he was on the show
NotTheMama: you understand i watch DH only as background
NotTheMama: i in no way shape or form curl up on the couch with a box of Bon Bons
NotTheMama: and tell the wife to "leave me alone... i'm watchin' mah stories!"

Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while.

NotTheMama: today, to a co-worker, i said "and how did you take those dumps?"
NotTheMama: i love I.T.

One Ring to Rule them All

Cha'baller: team lunch today, btw
GorbaChavez: you fuckers always have team lunches
Cha'baller: i know, you love my company
GorbaChavez: [removed]?
Cha'baller: um, no
Cha'baller: you have exposed an interesting grammar problem
GorbaChavez: the company of men?
Cha'baller: ah, i meant the verb form, and you implied the noun
Cha'baller: unfortunately, the synonyms for the verb form are lacking
GorbaChavez: company is a verb?
Cha'baller: as in keeping company
Cha'baller: a consort
Cha'baller: to accompany
GorbaChavez: a companion?
Cha'baller: indeed, but not in the sense of my regular "companion"
Cha'baller: ha, fellowship!

Cha'baller: i know, you love my fellowship
GorbaChavez: fellowship of the ring?

To Lunch, or not To Lunch

Cha'baller: lunch plans today?
GorbaChavez: I plan to lunch
Cha'baller: but with whom

Cha'baller: as though a lunch with any other man would taste as sweet
Cha'baller: oh, that i might be that napkin upon her lap, that drip of mustard across her cheek
Cha'baller: lunch, it is the east; and the works, she is the sun
GorbaChavez: you have outdone yourself

Okiagari-koboshi

Cristmas: I do like my job, just wish it didn't feel so wobbly these days
Iceberg: We gotta be like Weebles.
Iceberg: Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down.
Iceberg: Those motherfuckers don't fall down, yo!
Cristmas: That seems like great advice?
Iceberg: This is what passes for a pep talk in my world.

Once again, I've said too much

NotTheMama: thinking about getting this for work... meetings, etc.
NotTheMama: lugging my 17-inch monster back and forth is annoying
NotTheMama: that didn't come out right
GorbaChavez: you said it, Sister!

You missed the off-ramp

Cha'baller: yo
Cha'baller: got any ps3 deals for me?
GorbaChavez: I do not
GorbaChavez: I sold that shite
GorbaChavez: I'm not looking for deals
GorbaChavez: I do need advice though
GorbaChavez: not on women
Cha'baller: well i'm not giving you advice on dudes, ask El Tigre
GorbaChavez: this took an unexpected turn
Cha'baller: i've had my hunches you were into men for a while
GorbaChavez: by hunches do you mean yearnings?
Cha'baller: i got nothing for that

Because you have a bumper sticker that says, "I love it when balls are in my face." ...

NotTheMama: yeah... i think it's a customer loyalty thing... i pressed to speak to their cancellation dept, and i told them i wanted to cancel everything except maybe internet if they gave me a better deal than dsl
GorbaChavez: I approve
NotTheMama: it's nice to finally have the big guys by the balls
GorbaChavez: yes, I know how you like having balls in your mouth hands
NotTheMama: as soon as i typed that i knew i had done wrong

Not the balls. The tits!

GorbaChavez: yeah, that was the tits...
NotTheMama: where did "tits" come from? some movie?
NotTheMama: i take offense to all of this, btw
NotTheMama: why are tits good and balls bad?
NotTheMama: well, okay, i know why tits are good and balls are bad
GorbaChavez: I think we're done here

Let your fingers do the walking and your ass do the talking

Cha'baller: How's the call going?
GorbaChavez: got pushed back to 11;30
Cha'baller: did you tell them that means you won't be calling in?
Cha'baller: or maybe you're wearing your consultant pants today; the ass-less ones
GorbaChavez: they are crotchless
Cha'baller: just lean over and insert the phone
GorbaChavez: let my ass do the talking, is it?
Cha'baller: you might say that
GorbaChavez: my ass did
GorbaChavez: ...just say that
Cha'baller: your ass works the keyboard too?
GorbaChavez: it's versasstile
Cha'baller: I'm guessing you let it hunt-and-peck with a pencil
GorbaChavez: you like how I did that with my ass'ing
Cha'baller: yes, yes I do